Shit has been REAL this week.
I’m not sure if freakin’ Mercury is being weird, if there’s some demigod spiting me, if Earth’s vibrations are spinning off into wrong directions or some shaman is doing the wrong dance… but everything around me has been a solid FAIL all week. Every task I try and do has some seemingly trivial f-up, and a girl can only take so much. Saturday and Sunday (i think) were spent laying around, willing my body to please feel better. I somehow got my five miler in, but everything else after that is kind of a fuzzy blur due to another bout of sickness.
Monday started with a huge, early morning thunderstorm (LOVE!) that also compelled a certain puppy to bring in a very alive baby opossum into the house. So, here, I have not one, but two PSA’s.
PSA #1 :: When approached by a very wet, spastic puppy that promptly drops a baby opposum onto your kitchen floor, be as calm as possible. Instead of screaming like a banshee on meth (like I did) entice the puppy to bring the opposum back outside, as if you are going to play together.
PSA #2 :: Possum is Australian. Opposum is American. Both are marsupials. That’s about all they have in common.
Tuesday was pretty uneventful. In fact, the universe decided to grace me with delicious Thai food and a great run. I pushed the limits of it, and though it was only three miles, I was beat – in a good way! I was, however, ready and willing to stab whoever looked at me wrong. Which brings me to my next PSA.
PSA #3 :: When running with headphones, it is advised to always keep the volume low so that you can hear traffic, or heaven forbid, people who may mean to do you harm. Also, one might experience and hightened state of alert while running, because she is very idiotically listening to Serial, a podcast about murder, bloodlust and violence. Though I ran in full daylight, with plenty of people (read:witnesses) around me, I still felt spooked.
PSA #4 :: After said run, do not think you can do a short leg day with your ‘old’ weight set after you have not lifted in months. You WILL end up looking like an idiot all day, and have your hamstrings cramping up during a playdate, which makes it very akward, no matter how much you talk about coffee and local school districts.
Today was recyclying and trash day. “Wow Natalie, you sure are reaching here. What could you possibly have for us in relation to this?!” Well naysayer, here we go.
PSA #5 :: If your county/city/township does recycling or trash service every other week, I strongly advise you to check around ALL lids and handles before reaching your perfect, smooth hands around said container. There is an off chance that in the two weeks you weren’t handling the bin, that wasps have decided to make the rim of the lid their home. How I wasn’t stung or bit, I’ll never know. I did however, almost faint when I saw their little home built onto the side of the recycling bin. I’M TRYING TO MAKE THE EARTH BETTER FOR YOU, AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME.
So there you have it folks. I am hoping the universe takes this as my Airing of Greivances, and that we can start over on a clean slate. Go forth, with the advice I have given you. Store it, in the back of your brain; or, give this advice to someone whom may benefit from it – maybe your neighbor has been complaining about POSSUM’S for too long (wait, unless you’re Australian, in which case… ignore this and also never leave your house because nature wants you to die) or maybe now you will start checking where you put your hands.
Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to try and make it through the rest of the week unscathed.