Digestive Debacles

I’m not sure when I last was complaining about stomach issues, but here I am yet again.

I’m hoping my use of GIFs will distract you from the real problem at hand.

Slight recap, without the details: After having my daughter, my digestive system decided to rally against me, after years of apparent neglect and abuse (sarcasm, if you can’t tell.) For however long, I did what everyone else would do – ignored it and put up with it. After I figured out that this wasn’t normal, four years ago I decided very hesitantly to ditch the Zebra Cakes and beer, taking up a gluten free, stomach friendly diet. Yes, it was painful, and NO I don’t care what anyone says, nothing gluten free tastes ‘as good as the real thing.’ Please stop saying that. Going gluten free has been working well for the most part, until about four years ago. In fact, I’ve blogged about sporadic stomach issues, and I didn’t realize I was having these issues for so long until I searched my blog for them about five minutes ago.

Whenever my stomach started to hate me, I chalked it up to various things. “Maybe I had a slip up” or “Maybe I have allergies” etc. My mom is deathly allergic to certain oils (sesame, vegetable), my aunt, cousin and grandma on my mom’s side have a myriad of stomach issues as well. Apparently, I am not bionic, which is bullshit. When we first moved to Oklahoma (21 months ago, OMG) I started asking the doctors here for allergy blood testing, as well as whatever else they could find. If you know me at all,  you will find this all incredibly ironic. I HATE going to the doctors. I literally wound up with a hole in my leg due to MRSA because I didn’t want to go to the ER for the longest time.

However, when you start missing life on account of your stomach, it is not fun. I’m 29, and shouldn’t have to mentally memorize where bathrooms are in various places. Note to self: if you ever open a department store, have restrooms in the back like Home Depot, not just in the front like Kohl’s and Target. As I type this, my stomach hates me. 48 hours ago, I felt like I could have done a Spartan Dodgeball Triathlon Crossfit Super Marathon 5k.

After about 18 months of fighting the doctors, I finally received a referral to a Gastroenterologist here in town. A good friend once mentioned to me that “you HAVE to be your biggest advocate” and I certainly wish I would have pressed the issue harder. Upon meeting the GI, I was at ease immediately – it also helped that he closely resembled an Armenian Jimmy Buffet. After going over symptoms over the past 6 years, from the OBVIOUS to mouth sores and bleeding gums, he recommended further testing. Yep, scopes. At freaking 29. So sorry, so old; I should start eating supper at 430 and bickering with my husband over Wheel of Fortune while knitting on the couch (this, sadly, doesn’t sound too bad!)

This all happens Wednesday, which means I fast and ‘prep’ on Tuesday. They wanted me to go in this morning, but that would have meant fasting on Superbowl Sunday (LOL NO.) Plus, I have wisdom tooth… teeth? issues and it hurts just to eat. Of course it does, because life is just so awesome like that!!

Luckily I just got Netflix (did you guys know about this!? so awesome) and I feel into the wormhole that is Always Sunny in Philidelphia. Not sorry.

Digestive Debacles

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