I am, I truly am. Sometimes a four day weekend filled with family time and lounging around is just what you need.
If you were to have peeked inside my head this past Thursday, you would have been repulsed. I was hating everything, depressed about nothing in particular, and just wanted to be left alone. Parents [especially stay at home ones] out there know that falling into this trap is easy, and often times it is suffocating you before you even realize you were feeling this way. You’re snapping at your husband/child/dog for breathing too loudly, or you’re wanting to go off on the lady in the “15 items or less” line when she CLEARLY has 16 items. You get my drift.
Its known that my husband, The Optimist, is in the Army. They have a resiliency training program that all soldiers are a part of, and that families are welcome to try out as well. Husband explained that when it comes to hardships in life, you can be a tennis ball and bounce back, or you can be an egg. Lately, I’ve been an egg and I can’t remember the last time I was a tennis ball. Guilty as charged. Scramble me up and throw me next to the pancakes.
I’m done being an egg. This past weekend, I did a lot of soul searching. While it maybe wasn’t evident to those around me, I tried hard to not get down at the silliest stuff. I’m so tired of not bouncing back.
This is where it gets a little spiritual. If this isn’t your bag, turn around now!
This wasn’t a revelation. I know this change has been a long time coming, and I need to get my head out of my butt and be grateful. During the weekend, God was showing himself to me in different ways. I began reading Running on Faith by Jason Lester. I was hooked, finished the book within a day, and in the end was so overwhelmed with happiness that my brother in law lent me the book. You MUST read this book, and I will be purchasing it [book report to come]. God also showed himself to me in numerous, small ways – one song in particular always gave me chills, but I never knew why – I know now that He was talking to me in this song. Upon realizing this I almost had to pull my car over and start sobbing. A coworkers son was thought to be missing, yet was found within hours walking local streets with a friend; I’m grateful that nothing had gone horribly wrong, and prayers here were definitely answered. Husband totally took over parenting this weekend and let me chill and nap; I’m grateful that God tapped my husband on the shoulder and whispered, “DUDE she’s burnt out!!!” [God talks like that, right!? ]
More importantly, this weekend was full of, in a sense, re-visiting my little family. I didn’t focus on the dirty carpet, dishes in the sink, and the laundry sitting on the dryer waiting to be folded didn’t give me anxiety. I loved soaking every second of Silly’s dance moves and conversations, and I finally felt like I was re-living the ‘old days’ with my husband – we broke from the norm of “how was work/how was the day/what’s on the schedule for tomorrow/oh I have this and this on whatever day” and were goofing off, having random conversations and cuddling. We took family naps, watched Kona and football with a random Mickey Mouse thrown in there.
I needed a weekend like this. My mind craved it, and I feel like I went on a vacation. In addition, I think I’m over this running slump. I want to get out there so badly, and I finally, FINALLY, feel like my old self again. So grateful.
Anyway, sorry for the novel. I’m overwhelmed today, but in a “I don’t know what the heck else to be grateful for because life is just downright awesome” kind of way. If you need me, I’ll be planning a run, reading with my daughter, or working on some articles during naptime. HAVE A BEAUTIFUL DAY, and darn it, DON’T BE AN EGG.