In the short time I have been a Mom, I have probably sung the same nursery rhymes about a thousand times each. There’s one from my childhood, there’s Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star – and then there’s Hush, Little Baby. I usually sing Hush, Little Baby without a second thought to the words, because I’m basically keeping myself awake with the lullaby, and silently pleading with Silly to pleasefortheloveofallthingsHOLY, fall asleep.
Until one day, I was awake enough to focus on the words, and I realized that the ‘rewards’ for baby falling asleep are absurd and waaaaay outdated. This is the version I sing:
Hush, little baby; don’t say a word
This never works. Silly will always peek her head up over the railing and say ‘mommy. mom. MOMMY. abby? kenny? ELMOOO? bear? foot? MOMMY??’ in efforts to squeeze out one more minute of awake time.
Mommy’s gonna buy you a mockingbird
How cruel. I would never buy a bird, only to cage it up and have it live in it’s on poop.
If that mockingbird won’t sing, Mommy’s gonna buy you a diamond ring
Nooo, no she will not. She will promptly go back to the pet store, and return the bird. Then we’ll go out and get you a CZ ring instead.
If that diamond ring turns brass, Mommy’s gonna buy you a looking glass
What a horrible trade. For the record, ‘looking glass’ is a mirror.
If that looking glass gets broke, Mommy’s gonna buy you a billy goat
So now there’s glass everywhere, and you expect me to clean up after this billy goat? Things are looking worse for Mommy.
If that billy goat won’t pull, Mommy’s gonna buy you a cart and bull
That would take up so much room in the house, and would be totally pointless to have. Sorry kid.
If that cart and bull fall down, you’ll still be the sweetest little baby in town.
WELL, at least you have that. You should have fallen asleep at diamond ring.
So, instead of diving headfirst into bon bons like all of us stay at home moms do at nap time, I decided to make up my own lullaby just for Silly. I bring to you,
Hush, Little Silly
Hush, little Silly, don’t say a peep,
Mommy’s gonna buy you a bright red ’98 Jeep
If that Jeep’s engine light won’t turn off,
Mommy’s gonna buy you a dozen cupcakes from a bake off
If those cupcakes turn out to taste like cod,
Mommy’s going to buy you a shiny new iPod,
when that iPod looses it’s sheen,
you’ll still be Mommy’s little baby bean.