Where Did I Leave Off?

I apologize if the format of this is seventy kinds of jacked up, as I’m blogging from a new tablet and I am too lazy don’t know how to fix it promise to fix it later.

You know it’s bad when in a separate tab I had to open my blog to see what I had going on last.

Apparently I was being super dramatic about having to stay in town longer. Yes, the town in which their Twitter page literally calls it the Shady 580. I’d go and search for it, but I cannot be bothered to care that much, so you will have to take my word for it.

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Long story short, we have about 11 days left in town. Remember the house I thought was perfect, then bought out from under us? WELL, we found an even MORE perfect property, even closer to home.

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But of course, with the new timeline, it messes up the Seattle plans. Originally I was going alone, for literally 72 hours. However, now that we’ll be in Ohio, and with possible caregivers being out of town – not possible. And, I cannot count on the Army side to not leave me in the dark as well, especially since a lot of the issues are medical based.

As far as MCM goes, I’m looking at a Higdon plan, but not really sweating it just yet. I have found a perfect half in Dublin (Emerald City Half) that fits into the schedule nicely. In the meantime, I’m building a great base, and more surprisingly I am managing to balance yoga and cross-training as well. These days cross-training consists of swimming and pretend cycling, but I really want nothing more than to deadlift a baby buffalo right now. In due time. Right now my focus is on the Memorial Day Pledge Run, in which I have pledged to run 8 miles.

While this update was short, I will do my best to update from the road!

Where Did I Leave Off?

More OSMs, ho hum.

Yes folks, even more Oh Shit Moments*.

I found out last week that I am going to have the honor of wearing blue, again, at the Marine Corps Marathon in October. I will be running with 14 other Gold Star family members as a part of their Gold Star Race Program. When I entered my submission, I didn’t think there was a chance at all that I would get it. If you’ve been reading this blog, or have known me, for any amount of time – you’d know that MCM has been a nemesis of sorts. Long story short: the race has eluded me twice now, and THIS is going to be it! Being a Gold Star family member is odd… we are not a coveted group that everyone hopes to be a part of. It’s a support system built on grief, tears, anger, and eventually hope and understanding. I’m excited, though it’s bittersweet. Hard to explain…

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Aside from that, life has been chugging along. The kids and I went to Ohio to look at houses, and we found the PERFECT place. Literally, 12 acres of angels singing, cherubs flying to and fro, summer kitchens and badass* EVERYTHING because it was built in 1830… we could not have picked a better property. In fact it was so amazing that it was bought out from under us, mere hours before an offer was submitted on our part. To say I’m devastated is an understatement. But, shit* happens.

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We’re thinking about staying in Oklahoma a bit longer, which in all honesty makes me want to scream obscenities from “Mt.” Scott, but I suppose it wouldn’t be all that bad. I do have a great group of friends and although they are dwindling faster than Europe in 1350 (hint :: black plague) and I’m very grateful for them. And, if you’re in that group, and you’re reading this, prepare for me to become VERY clingy. I should probably clarify, my friends aren’t dying in mass groups, they’re just moving because the Army clearly hates me.

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I think that’s it for now. I apologize for not reading/interacting much on other blogs – ever since the Reader was rendered inop (what like four years now), I haven’t found a decent replacement. Suggestions?

* sorry mom

More OSMs, ho hum.

OSM

OSM is my mom/Southern Baptist friendly way of saying OH SHIT MOMENT.

Which happened, this morning, with this text.

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Well! Which raffle, you say? The wear blue:run to remember one for an entry into the Seattle Rock n Roll Marathon, that I totally forgot I entered because I don’t win this kind of cool shit!

After the initial shock wore off, I had more OSM’s because I’m JUST now running regularly. I cannot wait to head to Seattle and run for Jon. This race was first in blue, and it’s going to be amazing to see everyone again.

Perfect motivation for a three miler before lunch. This weekend I was a bit lazy and didn’t do my ‘long run’ like I initially planned but we enjoyed lounging around and saving future houses for our move. I also got to hang out with these two, which was PERFECT.

This was MUCH needed. My only regret is that I didn’t get up to this baby eight days sooner! Huge thank you to his momma for letting me snuggle not only this little man, but her three others as well! She truly is super woman, and I know it’s cliché, but I don’t know how she does it. I get overwhelmed with a new puppy.

I guess I’ll go look at marathon training plans now!

 

OSM

Way Wrong, Thankful Thursday

  • I’m thankful that it’s my blog and I can do what I want. I haven’t done this in YEARS, apparently. In over four years, to be exact. And I’m not even doing it right.
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  • I’m thankful for Fat Tuesday. For Lent I’ve decided to do a financial ‘fast’ so to speak. I realize most give up candy/ice cream/beer but in all actuality it would be more difficult for me to not randomly stop by the coffee shack, not sign up for a race, or not pick up a new top at a discount. Maybe I need to find someone who gave up cupcakes and have them buy one for me?

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  • This stuff, because of the puppy.
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  • The smashing of comfort zones. A friend has been trying to get me to go to Body Pump for over a year now, to no avail. You can say I’m a little stubborn. I really hate group classes, but I finally went today and it was freaking amazing. Totally humbling, and I insist on going until I’m comfortable with a decent amount of weight on the bar. This class is not my typical workout, which means I’ll be doing it forever now.

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  • These furballs. Ten years apart, yet you wouldn’t know it, the way they interact.
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  • Geocaching. K and I recently picked up this hobby and we are hooked!! She asks to go daily and we find three or four caches everywhere we go. Our very first one, she found on her favorite holiday – Valentine’s. Perfect.
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Way Wrong, Thankful Thursday

2016 So Far

40 days into 2016 and I already feel the need to analyze how resolutions are going, because no one is holding me accountable otherwise.

Running :: improve on mileage every month. January brought a whopping 17.25 miles. WATCH OUT, SCOTT JUREK. My personal goal for February is 20, which, again sounds laughable… which means it’s doable. But whatever. I am confident once races pop up on my calendar I’ll care more. But until then, I’d like to survive the rest of winter with minimal treadmill running.

Did I resolve to balance weights and yoga more? I can’t remember. Either way, I’m fumbling right along with it. A week or so ago I went to the chiropractor for the first time in my life, and found out I have a weird curve in my neck. I can’t even find a google image of it – it’s not going forwards or back, but side to side, and the rest of my spine is ‘remarkable’ – Bizarre.

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It explains a LOT of issues that I thought were just old age or injuries, but so long as I get adjusted and keep ‘the weights light’ I will be fine. I’m really not sure what to make of the latter; if I can’t lift heavy, why lift at all? My brain still doesn’t want to accept this answer. As far as yoga goes, things are well there, and I am LOVING my class. For years I did an at home practice, because anxiety rules my life but I could not have picked a better class to go to. In fact, I’m even going to a workshop this weekend.

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Waking up early to be productive :: this is back and forth. When I do wake up early, yes I am productive. However, we have a puppy now (!!!) which means a lot of night waking and early mornings… but I’m rolling with it and things are going well so far. Long story short, I am using the espresso machine a lot, which means basically everyone wins. I also go to bed almost every night at 2100, which is kind of a pain in the ass, but helps a lot.

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Reading challenge :: Going well, I am currently working on ticking another box off, but I can’t decide which category it falls under. Meh. I picked the book out for a reason – it’s the one I was looking forward to the least, but I know once I’m done with it I can move on to the ones I was really excited to do!

Time management :: This is the internet and I can say what I want, so YES, TOTALLY DOING THE THING WITH TIME MANAGEMENT.

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And, for good measure, here’s a picture of the puppy. She’s awesome and SO FLUFFY. We don’t know what she is, exactly, but we’re guessing a Pyrenees and Shepherd mix.

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2016 So Far

Yogging and Periscope.

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It’s amazing how soul refreshing hitting the tiny little publish button is. That simple decision was quite the catalyst to numerous comments and texts. I thank you, from the bottom of my Grinch heart.

My heart has been a bit heavy today as I feel as though I should be in Florida for Abue’s services. I have no doubt they were absolutely beautiful, and that everyone attending is exhausted emotionally but I truly hope that they leave with more of a fulfilled state of mind. To know my Abue was to know a free thinking dreamer who TRULY enjoyed life – I hope that’s what everyone talked about today – that she really left nothing on the table when doing things and had a content, full of love, life and laughter.

Otherwise, today was the perfect start to the weekend. Though I haven’t been quiet about how much I dislike being in Lawton, Oklahoma I do try to ‘bloom where I’m planted.’ When we were first here a few years ago, it was during the winter and NOTHING was in town – however I knew my stay would be about 3 months. Fast forward a bit, and after a stint at the ever beautiful Fort Lewis, we are back here again, for what seems like a penance for a crime committed in a past life. But, back to positivity. (also, there’s a Target here now, AND a local running club. Little things.)

This morning we went to a cute little market hosted by a local family farm and it was awesome. The farm owners were there, the atmosphere was warm and friendly, and produce looked great – all for a very fair price. I *may* have had a peanut butter brownie that was absolutely DIVINE. If you’re in the Lawton/Fort Sill area, I urge you to check out Murphy’s Farms. I believe they also have a shop in Duncan, if I remember correctly. Viridian Coffee was also there, and I CANNOT wait to get into my purchase from them – the smell has permeated throughout the house all day and I am eager to wake up in the morning just to have their coffee. Yay small, local businesses!

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I promise to stop with the GIFs and start posting real pictures. At some point.

We came home and I decided to go for a run around the neighborhood. If you have been to Lawton, I can hear you gasping from here, and yes, I am alive to type this. I’ve included a link to local crime data, only because I can’t decide which infographic to put up that won’t alarm my mother. So, a slight offshoot that I promise will make sense in a second- my brother in law and his family pick up coins they find on runs to donate to a charity at the end of the year. I believe they have done this for a few years now, and employers match it, by this time I’m sure the total is in the thousands. My sister in law is SO good at finding a decent chunk of change, I think there have been a few $20 bills at some point. Anyway, every time I go for a run in town, I am scouring the street in vain for a mere penny. NEVER have I found money on the streets here, however today I noted dozens of cigarette butts, cigar tips, trash, beer cans, and a broken bong. For a split second I thought about doing the right thing and taking plastic bags with me to clean up the neighborhood… but then I had a flashback to seeing a hyperdermic needle on the sidewalk during a family bike ride…

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Sounds like I need to start running on the East Side. Or actually on Fort Sill.

Anyway, aside from the plethora of trash around the neighborhood, the run was monotonous and uneventful. To be fair, our street is a main thoroughfare in town, and has a TON of walking traffic. So, really, I blame the lazy folks. After a couple of miles I looped back around to the house where our daughter was standing patiently by to go out for another mile. I absolutely love running with her, and she’s excited to go farther tomorrow.

I’m hoping to knock the run out early, so that I can not only catch the Super Bowl, but also tune into Periscope for what is bound to be the scope of the YEAR. Yes, I realize it is only February, but believe me, this is going to be good. Judy Martene will be hosting Peripreneurs, and her life story will absolutely leave you floored. I mentioned my global support network that I have absolutely zero business being a part of, and we are honored with Judy’s presence daily. Whenever someone is struggling or whomever needs a voice of reason – Judy is there, quick with kind words and warm grace. When she revealed a bit of her past to us, I was astounded. To know a fraction of what she’s gone through and persevered like she has… I truly admire her strength. This is not a scope to miss, that’s for sure! You’ll want to follow Peripreneurs on Periscope, but you can also catch us on Facebook, Twitter and Snapchat. If you really want to get involved (which I urge you to do!) join us in running conversation on Band.

 

Yogging and Periscope.

Deeper Than Most

Well here I am again, having completely lost motivation for most everything. I consider keeping the kids and animals alive a success, with little to no emotional scarring. My personal training certification materials sit, closed, on the nightstand, gathering dust. My running shoes stay seemingly frozen in time in the back of the closet, askew from when I threw them in there a few weeks ago.

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I really don’t know what happened or why I seem to continuously get myself into the stupid abyss of BLEH. Ironically, a few months ago, I reached out to Behavioral Health and spoke with some counselors (therapists? honestly, it could have been the front desk clerk and I’d be none the wiser.) I felt better little by little, and eventually started ignoring their calls because ‘I WAS TOTALLY FINE AND NOTHING WAS EVER WRONG ANY MORE, GUYS!!’ – so much so that I became increasingly annoyed when their caller ID popped up on the phone, which is dumb, because it’s their JOB.

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Then, out of nowhere, like a sucker punch to the jaw, a switch flipped and there I went. Completely uninterested. Shit always seems to get to me, and I don’t know why I let it. I’ve written about this in the past, and I really don’t know exactly what it is. Right now, in this very moment, I feel as though I’m just being lazy and refusing to work on myself. But, WHY. Why do I do this? Why do I let ‘me’ talk me out of yoga, lifting, or running? Why do I let ‘me’ snap at the kids when they’re just being kids? Like previous times, friends used to my reaching out, continue to reach out and I ignore them or skirt right on past making commitments. I don’t get it. People care for me, yet here I am, willing my phone to spontaneously combust into flames so I have an excuse. Wallowing in my own bullshit. Sigh.

As a disclaimer – I will say that I don’t feel like this all of the time. It ebbs and flows, which confuses the HELL out of me. Is it depression? Anxiety? I don’t have a freaking clue. What makes this paradox even more frustrating is that one day I will wake up and LOVE everything again. As quickly as the black cloud came, it will leave. I will lace up the shoes like nothing happened, insist on mommy/daughter dates, and fill up the social calendar while scoffing at my husband when he says there’s too much going on.

This time around, I have made a valiant effort to try and not let it get to me. Though my intentions are purely selfish [i.e., not falling further into my hole] it has been working. I am again reaching out to my global little group of masterminds that fill my heart with energy and drive. I am suggesting play dates (!!) in public places (!!!) and stepping completely out of my comfort zone. During conversations I try desperately to ask a million questions and validate that ‘yes, i am doing the thing! totally doing this and rocking socialization’. Yes, sometimes it backfires. But sometimes it’s worth it. I can see and FEEL the light trying to hard to shine.

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A little part of me died when my Abue passed. She was so full of life, fun, charisma, spitfire, and a million adjectives more. I could go on and on, but well into her 70’s she would accompany her grandkids to hookah bars and out last them by hours. People have a way of shaping your life, without you realizing it. As a child, I knew I could skip my mom, if Abue was around. I now know that it is a quasi rite of passage in family dynamics, but it was ‘SO COOL’ when Abue let me get away with ‘it’. As a teen, when everyone sucked and I was seemingly angry at nothing, Abue saw right through it. I remember to this day, her telling me to follow my heart, my dreams, my aspirations. To be writing this and feeling the shit storm within me feels so contradictory to how she lived!! I went off on a tangent… To be honest, it’s not fair to her, ha!

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Anyway, if you’re reading this and feel sorry for me – don’t. I read so many blogs/Tweets/Facebook posts that seem to be **perfect** all the time, and to me it is not very realistic. I’m not saying that perfect people don’t have their hardships, and maybe this post is considered airing dirty laundry but it’s what makes blossoming THAT much more beautiful to me. Those born with a silver spoon in their mouth, being handed everything in life will learn nothing. On paper, my life is perfect. And, I would agree. I just wish my mind would learn to play along as well. But hey, no mud, no lotus, right?

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I promise my next post will be back to normal. And, if you’ve read in the past – you know it will be. It’s just how my tiny little corner of the internet works.

Deeper Than Most