“Does Not Take Criticism Well”, pt. 1

No joke, I got that on a report card once in middle school. Granted, it was from a wretched old hag that hated kids, but its always stuck with me because its true. My family will attest to this – if you try to correct me I will get super defensive, even if I AM wrong [but we all know this almost never happens].

Folks, this is one awful habit I can’t shake, and I am my own worst enemy when it comes to this. I can’t stand that I don’t look like I did a year ago, the house is never clean enough, and my hair just never sits right. You name it, and I am downright horrible at it; I don’t think I do anything ‘well’. Get the drift?

In recent years [i.e., since meeting the husband] the little voice in the back of my mind has been drowned out by his ever encouraging words. No matter how nasty I am towards myself he is always there with a positive thing to say. I should also lump my parents into this category, because they too help out a lot – I just don’t think they know it

So why all the hate talk? My friends, I went on a 2.5 mile run last night and I thought my lungs were going to heave themselves up my throat in protest. Climbing up the last ‘hill’ I imagined my legs trying to maneuver through mud. It was ridiculous and disheartening. The entire time I cussed at myself for not being more active, for not getting back out there sooner, and for eating like I’m trying to get onto Biggest Loser. I am reassured by my loving husband that I should be easier on myself, and in a slightly annoyed tone he adds that I “did just have a child”.

*sigh*

Well  you guys didn’t come to read about me groaning and pounding sand about a shoddy run so here’s a picture of the kiddo.

Don’t worry – there’s a reason behind my big long self-rant, so make sure to tune back in soon to see what I plan on doing with all the negative nonsense I have going on in my mind.

If you need me, I’ll be in the corner drowning in Almond Joys and Sprite.

I am My Own Worst Enemy

Two words for this song :: 8th grade.

 

Ugh. Just UGH.

The beginning: This morning there was a double rainbow gracing our neighborhood, and it was 55 degrees. However, by lunchtime it was raining sideways [almost tsunami-ing] and the temperature had dropped to 45. Lovely. This kind of weather hung around all day, until of course, later; where we traded rain for the pitch black darkness of the night – yet the temperature climbed. Oddest weather ever.

The solution [or so I thought]: I decided to get in a quick run at the gym. Big, big, big mistake. Everyone and their mother was there; the entire post had just got off work, and Resolutionists were out in full swing. Luckily I snagged a treadmill from a runner I see in there all the time, and we exchanged "this place is crazy" looks.

The soul crushing run: To say it went horrible, would be an understatement. I don’t even want to write it down in my running journal. I know that with pregnancy comes higher weight and slower paces – I just am having a really hard time wrapping my mind around this and I feel like I shouldn’t bother running anymore during the pregnancy.

The random: My legs are doing really weird things, at any given moment.  This started in Ohio and I thought it was cold weather related, but it happened today on the treadmill. About a quarter mile into a run, my quads seize up on me and threaten to cramp. I have to tweak my gait a little, but after awhile I settle back into my normal gait and I am hurting all over again. This doesn’t happen every run, but often enough to where its an alarming nuisance. I’m also noticing that whenever I lay in bed and stretch, I get the feeling of an ‘almost’ charlie horse and I have to stop stretching. This sensation is everywhere from the calves to my quads. I don’t know where this is coming from or what I can do to combat it so if anyone has advice I’m willing to listen!!

Lesson learned: I don’t even know if there is one at this point. I had a crappy run and it put me in a bad mood; and I am questioning a lot right now. Mope with me?? Anyone??

I’ll try a redemption run tomorrow. I guess.

How do you get over a bad run?

Have you ever doubted yourself as a runner??

A Social Media Rant

I’ll start this off by saying that this is totally my fault. I’m the one with the Facebook and Google+ accounts, I don’t have a ghostwriter for Twitter and I check myself into FourSquare locations constantly – all of these programs are apparently essential to my life, and all have applications for on my Blackberry. A Blackberry which I hate, but am a slave too. My work emails go to it, I am notified when someone comments/tweets/likes/checks in on FourSquare – and get this: I have a certain chime for each app. Incredibly sad. That red blinking light is like a mistress to a politician or a gleaming blackjack table to a gambler. I just can’t ignore it.

With the uproar of the new Facebook, I’m putting a lot into perspective.

Another random disclaimer – I write my blog for me. Family and friends will read it, along with some internet blogging buddies I’ve made over the years. Don’t get me wrong, I cherish the readers, and read every single comment – but that’s not who I do it for. I write for me, with my own words, with my own jumbled thoughts. You won’t find me posting three times a day [unless we’re caught in a huge Oklahoma snowstorm again ] or even posting about every single run.

I thought aloud to my husband yesterday ”I think… I think I might delete my Facebook account” to which he responded, “uh… Why?”. Well, it boils down to one certain thing, and I didn’t come to the realization of it until today [as sad as that may sound]. I don’t feel like I should be sharing details of my life with people I haven’t talked to in years.

Apparently, I’m too chicken to actually delete people off of Facebook. OH yes, the double edged sword conundrum. I thought about making lists, making one “people I’m willing to share mundane details with” and another “people who I don’t feel comfortable sharing with but don’t necessarily want to delete”. Until I got to the list making process. I got about a third of the way down, and was frustrated that I was even having to do this; it felt repetitive and annoying.

So, what to do? I don’t know. I go back and forth a lot with deleting the Facebook account, protecting my Tweets and cancelling the FourSquare account [… which I think I’ll actually do once I’m done blogging]. I mean really, WHO CARES if I’m the mayor of whatever bakery. Seriously. When I’m worm food, I don’t want to be remembered as the mom that was constantly on her phone during her daughter’s dance recital.

I’m putting the phone down, closing my laptop up and letting go [slowly] of social media. While I am not the world’s biggest fan of being on the phone, going back to calling loved ones and friends is the way to do it. Not just by simply commenting on a photo or retweeting what they say.

My life is not interesting. I need to quit acting as though it is.

With all of this said, blogging will always remain. Like running, it is an outlet. I’ve been blessed to meet people, and I will never take that for granted. Thanks for sticking with me through numerous ups and downs – each and every one of you inspire me in some way, shape or form.