Sigh.

Well well well. Here I sit, having just run, trying to figure out a way to put this blog post together.

It is gorgeous today; you can see Mt. Rainier clear as ever, as well as the Cascades. The sun is bright in the sky, temperatures are in the low 40s, and there is a slight chill in the air. Again, downright beautiful.

I let lunch digest and decided to pack up the kiddo and head out for a run. I told myself that I would do “2 or 3”, but that I also wanted to walk further out into Fort Lewis and get a really good view of the mountains. I have yet to snap a picture of the snow covered mountains, and I also timed this for my daughter’s naptime so that everything was falling into place, time-wise.

Well, I got about a mile in, got cramps, and decided to take a small break. I tried not to let it deflate me, and thought of numerous ways to make them go away. After walking around a little and drinking some water, I decided to give it another go after I felt normal, but could only make it a half mile. Not only did the cramps start back up again, but contractions did as well.

This is where I hit a mental standstill, even after dwelling on it for so long after the fact. I’m pissed and upset; but I also have a little miracle growing, so I am trying not to be too negative about the whole thing.

I just don’t get it. I drink water constantly throughout the day, so the fact that the cramps/contractions keep coming back is alarming. The good news is that once I started walking the rest of the way home, I didn’t have anything going on.

I’m questioning my body big time. Was I ever really in shape? Why is this so hard to do all of a sudden? Should I even keep trying? Why bother?

To everyone else I am sure this sounds dramatic. I think I’m going to try out a FitSplint, and if that doesn’t work, well then I think my running days are numbered. I’m coming to terms with that, but I know that I will bounce back. It might take awhile, I might ‘just’ walk from here on out; but its not the end of the world.

Anyway. Thanks for listening to my rambles. Hopefully I’ll be a little more positive tomorrow Winking smile

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11 thoughts on “Sigh.

  1. Oh man. That sling is a great idea. I remember when I was pregnant, walking distances would cause cramping. A little extra support might be good. At least it is beautiful outside and not pouring. That’s cause for a mini celebration right there:)

  2. Ugh, sorry for the frustrating run. I remember having lots of good and bad running days with Lily, and often thought I was done running… than would be okay a week or so later. But each pregnancy is different, and you can definitely maintain your fitness with good walks, especially if you add some small hills in there. Congrats on making it this far, that’s more than most pregnant moms can say! I’d say take a break and try again, but if it’s not meant to be, don’t sweat it… you’ll be back at it soon enough!

  3. It’s so hard to not be able to run, to have to sit it out, and beating yourself up is normal (at least, that’s what I would do). It has nothing to do with your fitness level, with how in or out of shape you are, maybe the little human doesn’t like all the jiggling?
    Here’s my experiences, take it or leave it, sometimes the baby knows something that you don’t know, if they don’t want you to run, then as hard as it is, you may need to do something else (elliptical, stationary bike? walk?). My OBGYN told me that things happen, and it’s time to trust your body, and trust the little one.

    But, I have an infertile’s perspective, pregnancy freaks the hell out of me.

  4. You know what? I remember reading that Deena Freakin’ Kastor could not run during her pregnancy. AT ALL. Deena Kastor!!! So it’s not you!! I know how frustrating it is. I applaud you for even getting out there and going for it. I only ran with my first baby and called it a day at 20 weeks. Didn’t run with #2 and #3 at all. Have you considered spinning? I did that a lot with my pregnancies and it was great.

  5. The only one of my four kids that I could run with while pregnant was my second. And I had to pack it in at 4.5 months. Some people’s bodies just don’t work well with running while pregnant and some pregnancies just would rather you pay attention to THEM and not worry about getting your run in ;-) These little beings know a lot more than we give them credit for :) There are lots of ways to feel good other than running. We’re all here for you, so vent away :)

  6. Were you able to run full term with Kara? Are there other activities offered you could do besides walking? Is there a pool, elliptical, anythign?? It sucks, but it’s not the end girl. The worst thing you could do is beat yourself up over it.

  7. I am sorry for your frustration Natalie. I could not run during either of my pregnancies and, I have so much empathy for you. Some things we just can not control and surrender is necessary. One of the most difficult things I struggle with even today is expecting less and accepting more. When it comes to babies, marriage, relationships, etc. that is often times what we must do. I wish you a healthy pregnancy and peace of mind. Wish I lived there and I would bring you a decaf Starbucks and a shoulder. hugs

  8. oh boy, can i relate to this natalie! i had to halt my running a little over halfway through my pregnancy with gus. it was a hard pill to swallow, but i still got dressed and put my running shoes on and WALKED as much as i could. i told myself that moving my body, in whatever way i could, was what was important. dorothy and i called it “wunning” for a little while, when we were walking a bunch with a little bit of running thrown in there. and then for me anyway it went from wunning to walking and i just HAD to be ok with that. i felt uncomfortable when i ran and had a hard time deciphering if the pulls and pains in my belly were “ok” or not ok! so i walked. as much as i could. i met a neighbor early in the morning a few days a week and we would walk together, which was so so nice. she has arthritis in her knees so running is out of the question for her. it was really wonderful to have that time together. don’t be hard on yourself. trust me – i know it seems so hard to imagine that your body will run freely again, but it WILL! and in the great big grand scheme of things, it will happen in the blink of an eye (i write this as i feed solid foods to my baby who is turning 1 this week – and i cannot believe how much we have both changed in the last year!!). xxoo

  9. I went to the gym until 35 weeks in my pregnancy (elliptical), but running was out much earlier. :( It was very deflating, but at least there are other ways to stay fit.

    Also, if you haven’t yet, you should totally go up to Sunrise or Paradise in summer – it is completely gorgeous :)

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