A Post About My Butt.

I really didn’t know how else to title it, and I figured it was attention grabbing, so HERE we go.

I run tonight, and in light of finally doing so, I figured I could research further into what caused this injury. I have already done this, to an extent, but really I’ve just been foam rolling, stretching and icing.

It’s no secret that I don’t have a butt. For the record, I spent a solid 2 minutes searching the web for a decent ‘for example’ photo, but they’re all either too gross or don’t depict what I’m trying to say. I’m going to have a hell of a time explaining THOSE websites… Anyway…

I wanted to see exactly how weak my glutes and hips were. I know they’re weak. But, how bad is it? Enter Google search.

I found these tests on the Runner’s World website. One for my glutes, the other for my hips. I figured I would get the glutes out of the way first, keeping true to the whole “bad news first” rule.

I did the first one in the reflection of a window [the movers packed everything else away], hiked up my shirt and went to work. I expected my hip to dip slightly. Um. No. My right and left hip were about a foot apart [ok not really], and I suppose this means my glutes are VERY weak. I mean, this test basically laughed at me.

Moving on to the hip test.

These were all demoralizing. One legged squat huh? Just as I reached the bottom of my squat, there went my knee. The wall test? I had to try it twice, because the first time I had to balance myself with 3 ‘dips’ in, and I considered it a fluke. I made it to 6 and gave up. The last one REALLY pissed me off. I could not, for the life of me, NOT get my thighs to lift off the table. Do people really have them lay flat? Are they with Cirque du Soleil? Are there joints made out of bendy, yet reinforced freak bone and joint tissue?

Based on these tests, I can’t believe my body is able to support the walking I do. Let alone the running I thought I was doing so well at. Pfft.